Have you ever stayed quiet in a conversation even though you wanted to shout your truth from the balcony?

Then when someone asked you what’s wrong, why aren’t you talking? You say something silly like, “I don’t have anything to say.” All the while you are convincing yourself and anyone that listens that you are “trying to be positive”, and didn’t want to say anything that would stir the pot.That’s BOLOGNA!

Positivity is not hiding your truth or swallowing your words. True positivity comes from recognizing why you have certain thoughts, feelings, reactions and then using positivity to set a new foundation for more powerful, inspiring thoughts, visions, words and actions.

Its like cultivating a garden, you wouldn’t just sprinkle some seeds in the ground and hope for the best. You would dig up the old soil, the weeds, the debris and then put down new soil, maybe you’d mix in some of the old soil because it does have some valuable nutrients and earth minerals (ie lessons and growth and experiences). You know that this new soil gives your plants a better foundation and more possibilities to flourish.

Sometimes we use “I was trying to be positive” as an umbrella term. The problem with “trying-to-be”-anything is that it will eventually come back and bite you in the ass. Literally like a dog chasing its tail, you will keep going in circles every time the same situation or words are spoken. In the game of life you can’t just go under the positivity umbrella and protect yourself from the rain.

In life we must dig deep into our hearts and bring up all the crap that we have attached ourselves to, the words of rejection by the mean girl in middle school, or the feeling of unworthiness when our parents left us. Whatever it is, you have to bring it up to recognize that that isn’t you! That girl’s words or your parents actions don’t define you.

It feels like they define you because you have identified with those thoughts in the confines of your own mind! The beauty of recognizing, bringing it up and turning it into, “that wasn’t personal, it had nothing to do with me. I am worthy and wonderful.” That’s positivity! It’s a choice based on knowing and acknowledging the truth about what really happened.

A few weeks ago, my husband in the span of a few days kept asking me, “what’s wrong with you?” Now to an outsider, these are simple words and should not cause any harm. Yet, every time he used these words, I seemed to experience sharp pains in my heart and the natural “positive” reaction was let it go, don’t say anything, he’s not using any words that are hurtful.

Finally day 3 or 4 of dog-chasing-the-tail (because the universe will keep presenting you with these same situations until you finally address it) I kinda exploded, “Really, what’s wrong with me!?!?! Nothing is wrong with me!! I’m just in a rush and trying to get a lot done! AND there is nothing wrong with that!!!!”

Uh no, there is nothing wrong with that, but there is something obviously wrong with your reaction girlfriend! So after some soul searching, I realized I was upset by these words, because all my life, I have been telling myself, “something IS wrong with me;” I was unlovable, shameful, tainted based on my childhood traumas and experiences.

Recognizing that I was identifying with my childhood experiences and that a simple question could set me off, helped me break old habits and thought processes, and turn my lesson into growth. That to me is positivity, recognizing something is wrong, digging deep to find out why, bringing it up and choosing to turn it into the fertilizer that will help me bloom.

“When shit happens, turn it into fertilizer.” ~Kurt Blacken

 

Photo Credit: http://www.findyourmiddleground.com