Its Time.

Time

I woke up today, a bit in fear. Based on last weeks Las Vegas events, I woke up last Monday in complete shock, sadness and like what the F is happening??

So understandably last night I was praying the mantra:
“Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.”
Translates to: May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and freedom for all.

When we don’t have words for things, events, situations. We have questions. Why did this happen? Who did this and what was his family history? What could possibly be the motive? And the list goes on. This is life, questioning as the first line of defense to try and organize our thoughts and maybe try to understand.

As I’m getting older and I look around at my tribesmen, who are mostly people 65 and up. They basically have zero filters and very matter of fact state their opinion, because they can, because they deserve to. They’ve lived life a heck of a lot longer and experienced every emotion and possible disorder in the psychologists handbook. So they’ve taught me a few things, and that’s stop overthinking! Sometimes people are just that crazy! (Please refer to this amazing post (HA!) We Are All Crazy)

Yes, people are sometimes just crazy! I mean I get we need to know history and mental capacity and that helps us learn and grow and hopefully recognize things before it escalates. But sometimes we need to put shit in the That’s crazy|He’s crazy|She’s crazy File and move forward to WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!

I mean there are still people questioning gun control. There are still people that think mental illness is not a real thing. There are people who actually believe that a person’s family history or personal relationships could possibly be a reason to what …make it ok? Who the F knows!

All I know is people are frustrated at the political system or think its fine, or are angry with the media, or scared about writing that book, or sad about their cat. Its really like so what are you going to do about it? Stop being like the girl whose like I have a drug problem, I have a drug problem, I have a drug problem. SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT Repeating Reshma?? (see what I did there! )

Its time to actually do it! Write the book, start a petition, say a prayer, wave to a stranger, post a blog. Even just speaking up about it, is ok. I mean sitting there and watching the fake news, new news, real news is not going to change a damn thing! It’s the first law of thermodynamics! Did I lose you? The law says that the change in energy of a system needs heat and work! So create some work off that Heat (the emotion, the passion you feel)!

Doing something is doing something. Its not just about politics…its about any movement you are compelled to make. The world needs you!

Lets get involved in the world. Lets show up. Lets be seen and heard and seen and heard. I often think, I’m just one person, but in my direct family, I have 5 people I can affect. And then my friends another 1 (wink) and then …you get it!

One person really can do anything. I mean I can turn this into a list of names of just 1 person who has made a HUGE difference, but I won’t do that because we all know, its time to do!

But in case you still need some more Monday Motivation: Florence Nightengale, Rosa Parks, Marie Stopes, Antonina Zabinski, Mahatma Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Sargent Dakota Meyer, Coco Chanel, Elon Musk, Ben Silbermann.

I’m always happy to hear you and see you, please feel free to share your story.
Choose Love!❤️
Photo Credit: shutterstock.com

Your 3 Feet of Sacred Space

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I went to a yoga class recently and the teacher chose to read a section of Sharon Salzberg’s column.

I will paraphrase it to say that we don’t have control over much, not our country, our town, our loved ones moods, we only have the 3 feet around us. A space that we get to make our own.

Isn’t that amazing! What a lovely way to put it. We only have a direct affect on the three feet around us. This to me was so AHHHHH for so many reasons:

  1. Its sacred space so what goes out and what comes in is also sacred
  2. I get to choose what goes in and out its my space
  3. What if everyone did this?

I can’t speak for anyone else, I know:

  • you should be the change you want to see ~Gandhi
  • when you let your light shine, you give others the permission to do the same ~Mandela

This concept for me was mind blowing. It completely swept me off my feet this idea of the 3 feet around me. It reminded me of a moment I had with my mom almost a year ago. I felt like I just needed a “real” hug from my mom. Real, because to me a hug is heart to heart, arms wrapped around the other person, completely presence, and only letting go when there is a sense of relaxation in the breath.

Its probably an Indian thing, but my hugs with my mom for the last 30-(Cough!) years are side hugs, or a variation of cheek to cheek touching or awkward placement of hand on shoulder or back (I can’t even put it into words because its so strange).

We were going to visit my parents that weekend and I had psyched myself up that I was going to be brave and ask for a hug, or throw myself on her and just hope for the best. So we get to my parents house, my husband and kids walk in do their thing (side note: kids always get a full frontal hug, like heart to heart, tight squeeze– yes you probably are sensing some jelly). I walk in last and everyone has dispersed through the house and its just my mom and me. 7 feet of distance between us standing in the front door/living room area., I feel like some Adele song should be playing in the background. My mom asks me, “ Do you need anything?”

DISCLAIMER: all this is said in Gujarati where there is no word for hug, sacred, space, or even communication. Seriously the language is meant for farmers. So I am doing my best to put it into understandable English (wink).

I said, “Yes, I need a hug. You hugged everyone else when they came in and not me.” She replies, “Oh is that what happened..ok. Here.” Walks in and BAM! Full frontal hug! I am proud to say I have been a member of this club for the last 9 months. Ha!

It was not easy, I know it sounds like such a silly example to some, but to me I was super nervous, I could feel the tingling throughout my entire body, my heart was in my stomach or stomach was in my heart, however that goes, the entire 2 hour drive down to them. I was rehearsing the many scenarios that could potentially occur. Sounds absolutely like I should be on some freak show. ITS A HUG!

BUT looking back, I realize I was scared for wanting my moms love to enter authentically into my sacred space. I was tired of our inauthentic expressions towards each other in moments where clearly what we are feeling and what were doing/how we were interacting are not in harmony. Someone has to change the template, otherwise where is the growth, where is the legacy you leave, where is the expression of your sacred self?

In this moment, months later, I realized most of the expressions I’ve had or others have had around me are by my choice, especially in the 3 feet. No one has entered the space if I didn’t want them to, with their negativity and blame and inauthenticity (man you better get outta here)! AND more important, I put out into the space what I want the world to see from me: love, joy, peace, CRAZY.

I’m still human, growing, learning and being is a part of the process…this has helped me greatly in seeing my truth and also in seeing others.

I wish for you, all that you want to see in your sacred space and the courage to make it happen 🙂

Who’s Got The Power?

Have you ever felt lost, like where are you, who are you and where do you go from here? Ever wonder why you’re so angry or so sad most days?

What a sucky feeling. Truly the most uncontrollable, agitating, feeling and you’re not sure why you feel this way.

A feeling that something outside of you is controlling you. Whether your boyfriend or your family, or even sometimes the need for a materialistic item like a purse or a car. It controls your every emotion. It controls whether you have a productive day. It controls whether you feel like getting out of bed.

Yes, it is the worst feeling in the world. This feeling that something or someone outside of you controls you and your every move. This is the feeling of giving your power away.

Have you ever felt this?

I mean it can be something as simple as a store not having the handbag you wanted and so now you are sad or frustrated and you can’t think about anything else until you get it.

It can be as deep as walking into work every day knowing, first that you’re at a job you don’t really like. Then realizing your boss determines how good you feel about the day, and lastly, the paycheck ain’t cutting it for you, so you get nasty, angry, resentful or just plain defeated, so now you are completely …..YES, LOST!!!

You know that situation, where you have a choice to make, and then you think what will my mom say, or my grandpa, or my neighbor’s sister’s daughter (HA!). SO you make the choice that is comfortable, the one that everyone else will be happy about (or so you convince yourself).  Its safe, it doesn’t rock the boat, but its not what you really wanted. Now you’re annoyed, moody, and you know why. YES, because you gave your power away!

I guess we never think about it this way, I never did. I spent my life giving my power away to those I love. I think its because I’m a people pleaser, or maybe because I got to play the victim; by using them against myself, to control myself, to play it safe and not take risks, to be just content instead of truly happy.

See those whom I love don’t truly care what I major in, or where I work,  what school i went to, what I wear, how silly I am, or how much TV I watch, yet, I use them as an excuse to stop myself from doing what I really want.

I guess I’ve given the power away a lot of times in my life. I realize it, and I fix it. But I don’t learn, or rather, my ego is gets smarter, it slickly finds something else for me to give my power to.

Oh my ego is a genius. It does this so I don’t have to be responsible for my choices. I can say, “YOU MADE ME…”
“You made me feel this way.”
“You made me be this profession.”
“You made me…”

Because of A, I am B. Its so much easier than saying, because of B, I am B. Get it. Like I did this because I wanted to. I made me do it.  I am the reason. Why is it so hard to say, I am doing this because I want to?
1. Because its so scary
2. So we have someone to blame when/if we fail or aren’t happy
3. Because we feel selfish, guilty, and unsupported making our own choices

It takes a lot of courage and self-respect, and most important confidence and truthfully a lot of sanity, to own your own power.

Knowing what I know about dis-ease and the body.  This giving away of our power is where issues like depression and chronic fatigue start.

So its time… LETS STOP this bullshit! But how? How do you move forward, how do you take the first step to making a choice that is not related or validated to an external source?

Just like that. You now realize something else has your power. Take it back. You realize the thing that controls you. Then you make a choice that it won’t. Lastly, you do the thing you want, consciously, mindfully. You take a baby step in the direction you choose.
Maybe today its one less time you get frustrated.
Maybe its just waking up and smiling.
Maybe its saying something kind to someone.
Maybe its saying how you feel when someone asks you.
Maybe it’s a bigger leap into a new job, or taking that trip, or starting that music lesson.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss (Happy Belated!)

Whatever you do…make it your choice, and take your power back!
Here’s me posting what you may think is cheesy.. but its what I see, when I think about taking my power back! All while hearing  The Power by Snap. (“I’ve got the power”)

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Do you see a particular pose, or think of a specific cheer, or do a certain dance when you think of getting your power back…Share it with us. After all, it takes a village. We can be a village together 🙂

Photo: http://www.eurweb.com

Its Ok Not to Forgive. We Need to Forgive. What’s True?

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Society communities, support groups, yoga philosophy is built on forgiveness. This idea you will feel more complete more whole, less pain, less stress.

What if I don’t? What if forgiving someone who purposely hurt me makes me feel like I did something to deserve it.

I bring this up because everything I read tells me forgive and forget. But what if someone hurts you on purpose. How do you say it’s ok and then move forward?

That feels more like an enabler then being the bigger person.

It feels like what they did was ok.

When you think about people that hurt children? Do you want to forgive them?

I don’t. Because these children blame themselves and shame themselves, and they grow up to be adults who are told you’ll feel better when you forgive. No! I won’t.

It’s ok not to forgive. It’s ok to know what they did was wrong and not want to forgive.. Not now not ever.

Forgiving in this situation means that it was ok, what you did was ok– and it wasn’t!

Listen I’ve been there, wearing shoes of the forgiver and the apologizer. Yes, forgiveness feels good. All around it feels good. But if you don’t want to and your insides are saying no, we aren’t going there yet… then don’t!

Take this a bit further to any relationship. Let’s say there’s an issue and you resolve it. Then 2 days later the person does/says the same things. You feel disrespected and now, unheard. You feel humiliated because it stings even more. It always stings more when a forgiven wound reopens.
Do you forgive?

I’m sure eventually you will. It’s ok in a moment not to forgive. It’s ok to wait and deal with your annoyance and anger. It’s ok to say “I’m not ready to forgive you.”

Actually it’s freeing. It allows you to set boundaries for what you will and won’t allow. It allows you to decide how people will treat you.

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

Forgiveness is not just a flyer you pass out hoping for peace. It’s a sacred right of passage into your life.

“Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.” ~Webster’s Dictionary

Why would you want to wish your offender well? Someone who purposely hurt you? Victimized you? Abused you? Disrespected you?

Maybe one day. Maybe never. Either way it’s ok. It’s ok to stand by something and say it’s not ok, it’s unforgivable.

I believe in forgiveness don’t get me wrong. I think it’s very important. I just don’t think it’s always necessary in a moment.

It’s not a prayer. A sermon followed by an Amen. It’s not like a thank you which is usually followed up with an you’re welcome. We give out I’m sorry’s like candy. Let’s gain a little self respect and patience before we succumb to some martyrdom.

And screw anyone that tells you different. Because unless they are wearing your shoes– they don’t get to decide.

Once you forgive you let your heart open and let them into a space of gratitude.

It’s your journey. Don’t let anyone rush your forgiveness… It’s sacred.

I wrote this about two weeks ago.

There’s so much passion, so much strength, so much belief in it. I realize now I was mostly speaking from the victim perspective. Off my high horse.

I recently had an interaction where someone told me something I said was unforgivable.

Tan-ta-nuh-na (hear the sound of law and order gavel bang) sound of truth, sound of a lesson.

Truthfully, I wasn’t sorry I said it. It was my honest opinion about a situation and how I felt. But it hurt them. For which I am deeply saddened,heartbroken and sorry. It wasn’t meant to hurt it was how I felt in a moment.

In that moment I knew what it was truly like to be unforgiven. You can’t survive a relationship, you can’t have a connection if there is no forgiveness.

I know this and yet I myself forgot, and needed reminding. Thank you universe.

You as the person withholding the forgiveness. You will not be able to move forward. You will keep thinking about the words, the act, and you get to stay on your high horse because you get to be right. I know because I have been there. Many times.

Look around from up there, off your horse. Is there anyone else with you?

Usually it’s just you and your imaginary horse. No one to talk to, no one that understands, no one to love, and no fun. Just you and your memory of how you were wronged.

You have to be able to forgive if you ever want to put the shit behind you and be happy. Even the example of the acts done to children, at some point when you become an adult you realize that what happened made me stronger and smarter.

In my opinion I’m grateful for the lessons. As horrible and shitty as they were in the moment, but that moment has passed. I am no longer that person and I am no longer defenseless. It’s time to let the light in and stop guarding your heart from the joy and love it deserves. The only way to do that is through forgiveness.

Is there something you don’t want to forgive? Do you see it holding you back? Do you feel you replay the hurt over and over?

When will you shed that? Give yourself a time frame… 2 days, 2 months, 2 years because if you don’t have a time frame you will replay the hurt scene for a lifetime.

Don’t waste your lifetime. Forgive now so you can let go of old hurtful memories and open your heart to real enchantment.

Its liberating to be this way (see below)forgive

Image Credits:
wikihow.com
notsalmon.com

 

 

Back To The Future

Let me start by saying, I’m sorry. I’ve been missing for quite awhile. Please don’t mistake it for negligence, as I missed this interaction so very much. But as life goes…I was  living and experiencing and dealing with the circle of life. As anyone knows, getting back on the bike can be scary. It’s scary after 1 week, 3 months and then the fear takes over the longer you hold off.

On this new moon, a new intention to keep this conversation going… Here’s to falling off the wagon and getting bank on! ❤️

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Have you ever looked around at your relationships, your job, your extra-curricular activities, your circumstance, your daily routine…  your life! And thought I have no more change left to give? Like the maroon 5 song, I’ve spent all my change on you. And yet when I look around at my life, I can’t help but think where am I? Where’s the joy? The laughs, the fun?

I mean I’m not asking for unicorns and adventures. I have become a realist in all the change, and realize that life is ordinary. What else would it be? We brush our teeth, take a shower, get dressed, go to work, eat timely meals, do timely things. it’s important..very important, no one wants to live with grimy teeth and hangry mood swings for days. I mean I get it. Life is supposed to be ordinary. But where is the smiles, the laughter, the happiness?

Have you felt this? I remember when I was young, I would smile at the sky, laugh when unnecessary and rainbows filled the air around me. I was career oriented and family oriented and I’ll-try-anything-once, twice or three times-oriented. I was that girl who thought anything was possible and no person, place or thing could take my spirit! “Ain’t-no-one-gonna-tell-me-what-to-do” spirit!

Aww man. What now? Where do we go from here? Feeling like “I’m at a pay phone trying to call home, all of my change I’ve spent on you.” (Adam Levine 😍)

The only place left for me to go is back to myself. I’ve moved forward so much that I have lost me. I’ve changed so much I don’t know who I am. I’m sure you’ve felt it? Maybe you’ve been feeling it and I’m just catching up?

Either way, it’s time to go back! Back in time like Michael J Fox and back to the future and bring me up to speed! Really. This is unacceptable. I spend my life changing into what I thought was me, and I’m not sure I know this girl. Let’s rewind girlfriend and get that spirited girl back to the future!

What does that look like?

For me, atleast, it looks like saying “shit” without looking around. Heck saying anything about how I feel and being proud instead of guilty. It looks like smiling because you remembered a scene from Porky’s!! It looks like passing Go and collecting $200!(monopoly reference)
It looks like removing all the constraints of should be, should say, should do and doing the opposite! It’s fun! Without needing permission. We are the adults now. We choose.

Before the commitment of becoming daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, therapist, teacher, coach. I made a commitment to myself! Without remaining true to that commitment, I dishonor anything else I commit to. Because otherwise, we inevitably end up in a place, where there’s no more change, and the only place to go, is back to ourself. Your true nature. Your true spirit.

“When you become the image of your imagination, its the most political thing you can do!” RuPaul (yes, you better work!)

Just imagine that!! What it would be like to become the image of your imagination!

Don’t imagine.. Lets do it! You with me!

Photo Credit: knowyourmeme.com