It amazes me how many clients come into a session and want to talk about their mom, sister, wife, even neighbor, just to avoid talking about themselves or worse to send the message, “You think I’m crazy…you should meet my wife!”
When you were growing up, did you ever tell your parents about something scandalous that a friend did so that you could look better?
Of course you did! I think we all did at one point or another. Maybe not as a child, but there’s a reason the scene with a few co-workers “meeting” at the water cooler talking about Jill at last night’s Holiday Party is so common and popular from commercials to movies to real life.
We aren’t doing it maliciously to tarnish anyone’s reputation or wish them ill, or so we think. We are doing it because somehow our ego’s have spent so much time convincing us that we aren’t good enough and then it turns around and helps us make someone else not good enough to build us up. What a bitch that ego is?
Well we are like puppets allowing the ego to manipulate us. What’s that quote…oh yes: “Control your mind, before it controls you.”
Do you ever wonder why everyone always talks about that one girl? Or picks on that one guy?
Its because we think we have to be like everyone else to be happy. And if everyone else is talking about that girl or guy, then you should too, otherwise you’ll be the outcast. So we take this open, truthful, trusting, vulnerable person, who is willing to be honest about their actions and we shame them.
Its true! When you gossip, when you spread the word, even just talking about it in that I’m-not-trying-to- judge… but-I-am kinda way, you are shaming this person.
The truth is that we all have issues. How else do you explain our actions of throwing someone else under the bus to make ourselves appear better. We think we aren’t good enough and then think we are by judging someone else.
Just sit with that for a bit… We think we aren’t good enough. AND THEN. Make ourselves think we are good enough or BETTER by judging, criticizing or belittling someone else!
Just read that over and over until you realize that that’s some kinda crazy! I mean that’s like the Leaning Tower of Pisa saying (if it could talk) that building next to it is the one that’s crooked; because from where The Tower is standing and looking, the other building is that one that appears to be leaning over.
Well of course it is. When we aren’t willing to deal with our own inner blocks, fears, issues its much easier to point them out in others. And as long as we are pointing the finger at Outcast Girl, we will never have to show up. We will never have to have to worry about looking within; never have to worry about being outcasted or being as crazy as her. Well here’s a wake-up call: that makes you crazy! So….
As you know from my blog, I’m a pretty open person, willing to talk about my personal life, my own fears, conditions, experiences and traumas. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized this openness actually plays into this scenario of allowing people to point fingers my way. Why?
- Because most people don’t know that we ALL have stories. Stories we created from our experiences and traumas when we were little. Those stories contain our fears and those fears become heightened as we have adult relationships and experiences. Only when we really acknowledge and let go of our stories by changing our thoughts and actions, can we heal.
- People aren’t as open to talking about or sharing their true emotions, feelings and fears and it allows them to point fingers at people, who are.
So naturally people will say things like,
“My childhood wasn’t as bad as yours.”
“I haven’t been through what you have been through.”
No you haven’t. You my friend, have been through your own stuff, so be honest with yourself. And remember the more you know the more you’ll have to do.
Which means that you no longer get to point the finger, “share” someone else’s story or criticize or judge someone else because you’ll now have to focus on looking within to find and heal your own crazy 😉