In God We Trust

in-godLately I’ve been seeing and reading so many articles, memes, blogs about What Successful People Do. Its usually a list of:

  1. Work hard
  2. Get up early
  3. Work Hard

And I definitely believe yes working hard is a HUGE factor to success (however, you define it).

The thing I don’t see often is the idea that “successful” people have faith. They believe in themselves yes, and they believe in the universe. They have faith. They believe that what they put in (hard work) will be matched by a certain output (faith tells them).

It’s like my friend used to say to me when I would contemplate a big choice, like switching jobs or making a big move. She’d say, “oh girl, do you really think the universe would have you do all this work and transformation, just to leave you homeless and alone?”

Hahaha! I guess if you think about it…NO of course not! The point of doing the work, putting in the time, blood, sweat and tears, would not lead to being alone and broke, because faith.

Faith says, just believe, just know (without really knowing), just blindly leap and trust that you are supported, loved, protected by something bigger, to me that’s God, to you it may be the universe or higher self.

Successful people, some, may not even know they have this faith. They are just in it, going about their moments doing what they are born to do with passion, wholeness of heart, and to exhaustion. When you work this hard you may not even have time to think about it, you just know (without really knowing) that faith is there.

The idea of In God we trust is on our currency, its what I can only assume is the base for which this country was built, the American Dream. That a dream stays a dream until you add Faith, defined as trust in God, to me anyway. Faith doesn’t take away anything, like fear, doubt or negative self talk, it only tells you to leap anyway. Faith gives you the courage.

Its hard to think you can have an extraordinary life, without faith in extraordinary results, which need extraordinary choices. Choices outside the “norm.” Choices that will piss some people off and confuse the hell out of others! None of that matters because you have faith. You have a Trust in God.

Who’s Got The Power?

Have you ever felt lost, like where are you, who are you and where do you go from here? Ever wonder why you’re so angry or so sad most days?

What a sucky feeling. Truly the most uncontrollable, agitating, feeling and you’re not sure why you feel this way.

A feeling that something outside of you is controlling you. Whether your boyfriend or your family, or even sometimes the need for a materialistic item like a purse or a car. It controls your every emotion. It controls whether you have a productive day. It controls whether you feel like getting out of bed.

Yes, it is the worst feeling in the world. This feeling that something or someone outside of you controls you and your every move. This is the feeling of giving your power away.

Have you ever felt this?

I mean it can be something as simple as a store not having the handbag you wanted and so now you are sad or frustrated and you can’t think about anything else until you get it.

It can be as deep as walking into work every day knowing, first that you’re at a job you don’t really like. Then realizing your boss determines how good you feel about the day, and lastly, the paycheck ain’t cutting it for you, so you get nasty, angry, resentful or just plain defeated, so now you are completely …..YES, LOST!!!

You know that situation, where you have a choice to make, and then you think what will my mom say, or my grandpa, or my neighbor’s sister’s daughter (HA!). SO you make the choice that is comfortable, the one that everyone else will be happy about (or so you convince yourself).  Its safe, it doesn’t rock the boat, but its not what you really wanted. Now you’re annoyed, moody, and you know why. YES, because you gave your power away!

I guess we never think about it this way, I never did. I spent my life giving my power away to those I love. I think its because I’m a people pleaser, or maybe because I got to play the victim; by using them against myself, to control myself, to play it safe and not take risks, to be just content instead of truly happy.

See those whom I love don’t truly care what I major in, or where I work,  what school i went to, what I wear, how silly I am, or how much TV I watch, yet, I use them as an excuse to stop myself from doing what I really want.

I guess I’ve given the power away a lot of times in my life. I realize it, and I fix it. But I don’t learn, or rather, my ego is gets smarter, it slickly finds something else for me to give my power to.

Oh my ego is a genius. It does this so I don’t have to be responsible for my choices. I can say, “YOU MADE ME…”
“You made me feel this way.”
“You made me be this profession.”
“You made me…”

Because of A, I am B. Its so much easier than saying, because of B, I am B. Get it. Like I did this because I wanted to. I made me do it.  I am the reason. Why is it so hard to say, I am doing this because I want to?
1. Because its so scary
2. So we have someone to blame when/if we fail or aren’t happy
3. Because we feel selfish, guilty, and unsupported making our own choices

It takes a lot of courage and self-respect, and most important confidence and truthfully a lot of sanity, to own your own power.

Knowing what I know about dis-ease and the body.  This giving away of our power is where issues like depression and chronic fatigue start.

So its time… LETS STOP this bullshit! But how? How do you move forward, how do you take the first step to making a choice that is not related or validated to an external source?

Just like that. You now realize something else has your power. Take it back. You realize the thing that controls you. Then you make a choice that it won’t. Lastly, you do the thing you want, consciously, mindfully. You take a baby step in the direction you choose.
Maybe today its one less time you get frustrated.
Maybe its just waking up and smiling.
Maybe its saying something kind to someone.
Maybe its saying how you feel when someone asks you.
Maybe it’s a bigger leap into a new job, or taking that trip, or starting that music lesson.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss (Happy Belated!)

Whatever you do…make it your choice, and take your power back!
Here’s me posting what you may think is cheesy.. but its what I see, when I think about taking my power back! All while hearing  The Power by Snap. (“I’ve got the power”)

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Do you see a particular pose, or think of a specific cheer, or do a certain dance when you think of getting your power back…Share it with us. After all, it takes a village. We can be a village together 🙂

Photo: http://www.eurweb.com

Its Ok Not to Forgive. We Need to Forgive. What’s True?

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Society communities, support groups, yoga philosophy is built on forgiveness. This idea you will feel more complete more whole, less pain, less stress.

What if I don’t? What if forgiving someone who purposely hurt me makes me feel like I did something to deserve it.

I bring this up because everything I read tells me forgive and forget. But what if someone hurts you on purpose. How do you say it’s ok and then move forward?

That feels more like an enabler then being the bigger person.

It feels like what they did was ok.

When you think about people that hurt children? Do you want to forgive them?

I don’t. Because these children blame themselves and shame themselves, and they grow up to be adults who are told you’ll feel better when you forgive. No! I won’t.

It’s ok not to forgive. It’s ok to know what they did was wrong and not want to forgive.. Not now not ever.

Forgiving in this situation means that it was ok, what you did was ok– and it wasn’t!

Listen I’ve been there, wearing shoes of the forgiver and the apologizer. Yes, forgiveness feels good. All around it feels good. But if you don’t want to and your insides are saying no, we aren’t going there yet… then don’t!

Take this a bit further to any relationship. Let’s say there’s an issue and you resolve it. Then 2 days later the person does/says the same things. You feel disrespected and now, unheard. You feel humiliated because it stings even more. It always stings more when a forgiven wound reopens.
Do you forgive?

I’m sure eventually you will. It’s ok in a moment not to forgive. It’s ok to wait and deal with your annoyance and anger. It’s ok to say “I’m not ready to forgive you.”

Actually it’s freeing. It allows you to set boundaries for what you will and won’t allow. It allows you to decide how people will treat you.

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

Forgiveness is not just a flyer you pass out hoping for peace. It’s a sacred right of passage into your life.

“Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.” ~Webster’s Dictionary

Why would you want to wish your offender well? Someone who purposely hurt you? Victimized you? Abused you? Disrespected you?

Maybe one day. Maybe never. Either way it’s ok. It’s ok to stand by something and say it’s not ok, it’s unforgivable.

I believe in forgiveness don’t get me wrong. I think it’s very important. I just don’t think it’s always necessary in a moment.

It’s not a prayer. A sermon followed by an Amen. It’s not like a thank you which is usually followed up with an you’re welcome. We give out I’m sorry’s like candy. Let’s gain a little self respect and patience before we succumb to some martyrdom.

And screw anyone that tells you different. Because unless they are wearing your shoes– they don’t get to decide.

Once you forgive you let your heart open and let them into a space of gratitude.

It’s your journey. Don’t let anyone rush your forgiveness… It’s sacred.

I wrote this about two weeks ago.

There’s so much passion, so much strength, so much belief in it. I realize now I was mostly speaking from the victim perspective. Off my high horse.

I recently had an interaction where someone told me something I said was unforgivable.

Tan-ta-nuh-na (hear the sound of law and order gavel bang) sound of truth, sound of a lesson.

Truthfully, I wasn’t sorry I said it. It was my honest opinion about a situation and how I felt. But it hurt them. For which I am deeply saddened,heartbroken and sorry. It wasn’t meant to hurt it was how I felt in a moment.

In that moment I knew what it was truly like to be unforgiven. You can’t survive a relationship, you can’t have a connection if there is no forgiveness.

I know this and yet I myself forgot, and needed reminding. Thank you universe.

You as the person withholding the forgiveness. You will not be able to move forward. You will keep thinking about the words, the act, and you get to stay on your high horse because you get to be right. I know because I have been there. Many times.

Look around from up there, off your horse. Is there anyone else with you?

Usually it’s just you and your imaginary horse. No one to talk to, no one that understands, no one to love, and no fun. Just you and your memory of how you were wronged.

You have to be able to forgive if you ever want to put the shit behind you and be happy. Even the example of the acts done to children, at some point when you become an adult you realize that what happened made me stronger and smarter.

In my opinion I’m grateful for the lessons. As horrible and shitty as they were in the moment, but that moment has passed. I am no longer that person and I am no longer defenseless. It’s time to let the light in and stop guarding your heart from the joy and love it deserves. The only way to do that is through forgiveness.

Is there something you don’t want to forgive? Do you see it holding you back? Do you feel you replay the hurt over and over?

When will you shed that? Give yourself a time frame… 2 days, 2 months, 2 years because if you don’t have a time frame you will replay the hurt scene for a lifetime.

Don’t waste your lifetime. Forgive now so you can let go of old hurtful memories and open your heart to real enchantment.

Its liberating to be this way (see below)forgive

Image Credits:
wikihow.com
notsalmon.com

 

 

Back To The Future

Let me start by saying, I’m sorry. I’ve been missing for quite awhile. Please don’t mistake it for negligence, as I missed this interaction so very much. But as life goes…I was  living and experiencing and dealing with the circle of life. As anyone knows, getting back on the bike can be scary. It’s scary after 1 week, 3 months and then the fear takes over the longer you hold off.

On this new moon, a new intention to keep this conversation going… Here’s to falling off the wagon and getting bank on! ❤️

back

Have you ever looked around at your relationships, your job, your extra-curricular activities, your circumstance, your daily routine…  your life! And thought I have no more change left to give? Like the maroon 5 song, I’ve spent all my change on you. And yet when I look around at my life, I can’t help but think where am I? Where’s the joy? The laughs, the fun?

I mean I’m not asking for unicorns and adventures. I have become a realist in all the change, and realize that life is ordinary. What else would it be? We brush our teeth, take a shower, get dressed, go to work, eat timely meals, do timely things. it’s important..very important, no one wants to live with grimy teeth and hangry mood swings for days. I mean I get it. Life is supposed to be ordinary. But where is the smiles, the laughter, the happiness?

Have you felt this? I remember when I was young, I would smile at the sky, laugh when unnecessary and rainbows filled the air around me. I was career oriented and family oriented and I’ll-try-anything-once, twice or three times-oriented. I was that girl who thought anything was possible and no person, place or thing could take my spirit! “Ain’t-no-one-gonna-tell-me-what-to-do” spirit!

Aww man. What now? Where do we go from here? Feeling like “I’m at a pay phone trying to call home, all of my change I’ve spent on you.” (Adam Levine 😍)

The only place left for me to go is back to myself. I’ve moved forward so much that I have lost me. I’ve changed so much I don’t know who I am. I’m sure you’ve felt it? Maybe you’ve been feeling it and I’m just catching up?

Either way, it’s time to go back! Back in time like Michael J Fox and back to the future and bring me up to speed! Really. This is unacceptable. I spend my life changing into what I thought was me, and I’m not sure I know this girl. Let’s rewind girlfriend and get that spirited girl back to the future!

What does that look like?

For me, atleast, it looks like saying “shit” without looking around. Heck saying anything about how I feel and being proud instead of guilty. It looks like smiling because you remembered a scene from Porky’s!! It looks like passing Go and collecting $200!(monopoly reference)
It looks like removing all the constraints of should be, should say, should do and doing the opposite! It’s fun! Without needing permission. We are the adults now. We choose.

Before the commitment of becoming daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, therapist, teacher, coach. I made a commitment to myself! Without remaining true to that commitment, I dishonor anything else I commit to. Because otherwise, we inevitably end up in a place, where there’s no more change, and the only place to go, is back to ourself. Your true nature. Your true spirit.

“When you become the image of your imagination, its the most political thing you can do!” RuPaul (yes, you better work!)

Just imagine that!! What it would be like to become the image of your imagination!

Don’t imagine.. Lets do it! You with me!

Photo Credit: knowyourmeme.com

If You Could See Yourself Through My Eyes

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What if you could see yourself from the eyes of your best friend?

You would probably see yourself as the bomb, the shiz-nizzel, or just simply beautiful. One of my dear friends reached out last week and said, ‘can you believe my aunt put an old pic of me on facebook! Its not even #ThrowBackThursday or #FlashBackFriday.’

I saw the picture and all I could focus on was her beautiful eyes, her innocent expression and her cuteness! She of course didn’t see the picture the same way, I can only hope in telling her what I saw that maybe even for a moment she could see it through my eyes and see her beauty.

It reminds me how very hard we are on ourselves.

We are our own bestest friends, being there to wipe our own tears, inspiring our own spirits to thrive and being the support we need to laugh at ourselves. And yet we are our own worst enemy. I don’t have any enemies in this moment because there is nothing they could think or say about me that would be worse than what I’ve already told myself at some point.

I said to my husband the other night, “I wish we could all see ourselves through the eyes of those who love us.” He responded, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and you’d see how wonderful you are.”

I, of course, said, “no offense Love, but if you don’t mind I’d like to see myself through our older daughter Neeva’s eyes.” (half joking, 100% truth). My daughter adores me! She absolutely wants to spend every waking moment with me and even on my ….lets call them “my not-so-nice days” she is there wanting to hug me and tell me how much she loves me.

I believe that mother-hood refers to the permanent space in your brain that is dedicated to your child from the second your baby is born. Even when your child isn’t around you think about her; you worry about her safety, and her pain or her joy takes precedence over anything you have going on in your world.

It’s the one thing I am in constant battle with myself over:
Am I a good mother?
Am I screwing them up?
Will they be traumatized from this?

And then I remember my daughter’s words one night as she cuddled over to me as we were watching tv, “Mommy, no matter what I do, I will always love you. You are the best mommy for me.”

I have to take a moment of silence to wipe the tears from my eyes as I write this. It really doesn’t get better than that.

She doesn’t care how I look, if I’m in my pjs or dressed up.
She doesn’t care if I clean the house or not.
She doesn’t care if I make dinner or order in.
She doesn’t care about any of the stupid things my mind tells me determines my worth as a mother. She just loves me for me. Silly, crazy, loud me. And she’s proud to be my daughter.

So what the hell is stopping me from being proud to be me?

Nothing. She reminds me of what I already know…that I’m amazing and beautiful. However, life doesn’t allow you to maintain this feeling all the time. So for the moments I can’t see or feel my own truth, I thank God I have people in my life who love me so much and are willing to show me, through their eyes, just how beautiful I am.

So I invite you to look through the eyes of someone who loves you the next time you don’t feel so good about yourself and think of the One Direction song that got it right…
“If only you saw what I can see.
You’d understand why I want you so desperately.
Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe
You don’t know oh-oh.
You don’t know you’re beautiful.”

Share with someone who needs to see their beauty through your loving eyes!

Love & Healing♥
Reshma